Hola from the other side

It's officially been a full week since I am back from Nicaragua and I think I left my mind back on the beach in Popoyo.

I've been quiet for the past few days since my return to the city. Not only via social media, but in my day to day mind. I guess we all deal from the trip blues differently and this time I am just re playing every single memory over and over.

This trip was well needed, it was a getaway from the jail I was living in, AKA depression. Of course I was still dragging it with me all the way to Central America, but with the warm weather, great surf and good vibes, I was finally able to take a good breather and feel some weight off of my shoulders.

For the first time in a long time I spent not one, not two, but 4 consecutive days without experiencing an anxiety attack, or cry my heart out of pain. The only pain I really encountered were the reef cuts, and getting washed away from big sets of waves as I pushed myself out of my comfort zone.

It was all well worth it.

And yet here I am, sitting in bed looking out the window trying to motivate me into going outside and getting shit done. It's like the minute the plane landed in Montreal, depression came knocking in my head craving me more than ever.

Some will blame it on the travel blues, but trust me I know this feeling all too well.

Luckily since Nicaragua, I am now stronger.

Stronger to be able to measure up to the little devil in my brain. Stronger to be able to go back to the community pool and swim twice a week. Stronger to be able to take my dog out for small runs and hikes. Stronger to be able to go out in public and see friends. Stronger to start working and taking on more responsibilities.

Stronger to be able to walk through the dark tunnel without the need to run back.

Of course my trip to Nicaragua could be considered a ''vacation''. But to me it was a little more than just your average vacation. It was an eye opener to what I fell into. A realization on how much I lost during the past months, but how much I can regain now that I am slowly learning who I am again. I wasn't escaping, I re routed my mind.

Being back has been difficult, like any other person who comes back from an amazing experience. But it has allowed me to face my fears and worries. It also let me understand what I need in order to find the light at the end of the tunnel. I am thankful to the humans I crossed paths with, the laughs my friends gave me and the incredible opportunities I lived throughout my two week adventure in a place I like to call paradise.

 

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